The Kernel and I are one now

Inspired by this xkcd :

Once upon a time there lived a Devoted Linux User

Bestowed upon him was the moniker /dev/luser

For long he put up with the tantrums of Ubuntu

And the mandatory biannual tearing of hairs too

Then one day he had a life altering epiphany

Or perhaps, I daresay, just a drink too many

He let out a violent scream that shook the Earth

“Curse be upon you, O Canonical, O Shuttleworth!”

Down the stairs, into the basement he did resign

Locked the door, complete with a “Do not disturb” sign

Hours turned to days, days into several weeks

Yet from beyond the door came not a single squeak

He left the basement neither to wine nor to dine

Neither to unload his bowels nor to release his brine

His loyal friends, worried for his health and sanity

Decide to break the door down with utmost urgency

As the dust settles, a ghastly scene meets their eyes

For the room is full of spiders, cobwebs and flies

In the far corner, sitting on a chair, back turned to them

/dev/luser typing feverishly, all ten fingers in tandem

Screen an undecipherable wall of scrolling green text

Which /dev/luser groks keenly without breaking a sweat

Bravest friend takes a cautious step forward. A big folly!

His first step lands upon something circular and shiny

A primal fear grips him as he bellows loudly, “NOOO!”

For embossed on the CD were the letters “GENTOO”

Time slows down, everything gets frozen in space

Except /dev/luser who persists typing at unabated pace

He turns back, his eyes bloodshot, his face lifeless

His voice, inhuman and robotic, pierces bone and flesh

“Forget the why, forget the when, forget the how”

“All I remember is that kernel and I are one now”


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