Inspired by this xkcd : http://xkcd.com/456/
Once upon a time there lived a Devoted Linux User
Bestowed upon him was the moniker /dev/luser
For long he put up with the tantrums of Ubuntu
And the mandatory biannual tearing of hairs too
Then one day he had a life altering epiphany
Or perhaps, I daresay, just a drink too many
He let out a violent scream that shook the Earth
“Curse be upon you, O Canonical, O Shuttleworth!”
Down the stairs, into the basement he did resign
Locked the door, complete with a “Do not disturb” sign
Hours turned to days, days into several weeks
Yet from beyond the door came not a single squeak
He left the basement neither to wine nor to dine
Neither to unload his bowels nor to release his brine
His loyal friends, worried for his health and sanity
Decide to break the door down with utmost urgency
As the dust settles, a ghastly scene meets their eyes
For the room is full of spiders, cobwebs and flies
In the far corner, sitting on a chair, back turned to them
/dev/luser typing feverishly, all ten fingers in tandem
Screen an undecipherable wall of scrolling green text
Which /dev/luser groks keenly without breaking a sweat
Bravest friend takes a cautious step forward. A big folly!
His first step lands upon something circular and shiny
A primal fear grips him as he bellows loudly, “NOOO!”
For embossed on the CD were the letters “GENTOO”
Time slows down, everything gets frozen in space
Except /dev/luser who persists typing at unabated pace
He turns back, his eyes bloodshot, his face lifeless
His voice, inhuman and robotic, pierces bone and flesh
“Forget the why, forget the when, forget the how”
“All I remember is that kernel and I are one now”
Cannibal's Candy 